the human canvas

Don’t Bl/nk

Symmetry is a distant memory. This is as close as I'll come. I don't look back at my challenges with anger or sadness. Without the pain, I would have never made it this far.

Symmetry is a distant memory. This is as close as I’ll come. I don’t look back at my challenges with anger or sadness. Without the pain, I would have never made it this far.

I’ve made minimal edits to this photo. I’ve finally come to terms with my scars. I’ve earned them, and rather than hiding, softening or photoshopping the hell out of them I want you to see them as I do everyday. Initially I was completely disheartened by how dramatically truncated and damaged my body seemed after surgery. It was as though it wasn’t mine anymore. Over time the pain subsided, but as a result of so much nerve damage, I felt nothing in rather large areas of my torso. It was completely foreign, painful and a long road to recovery. One month after the surgeon’s delivery of the words “I honestly have no idea how this surgery is going to go, but I’ll do my best,” I was finally able to walk again. Slowly, painfully, but walking on my own. I intentionally avoided looking at my incision, but now there was no excuse. In many ways this photo is a good representation of how I felt that day. I needed something to hold me up. The sight of what had happened to me made my already weakened frame yet more insubstantial. I had lost weight I couldn’t afford to spare and grew short of breath just holding myself in front of the mirror. I wanted to bury my face and cry, but I didn’t. I dragged my skinny ass into the shower and decided immediately that I was going to turn my mess into something beautiful and become stronger than I had ever been in my life. This was my new battle. Good thing I’m a fighter.

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